Swell hell is no joke…

Everyone talks about “swell hell” when your body essentially tries to replace every thing that was removed in surgery. I knew it was coming, and I knew it would be bad. Yet, I’m still amazed by the tremendous amount of swelling in my legs. So, I figured a day of walking around would help things out a bit.

Started out with a short walk to a delicious breakfast place around the corner. Then a stroll to get a delicious iced coffee that was actually more expensive than some of my prescription meds but just as healing. Walked further down the street to an outdoor shopping area looking to get into some retail trouble but didn’t find anything exciting. Finally, we stopped for a pastry and a rest before making the short trek back to the apartment.

I’ve been following the doctor’s orders to eat and hydrate, but I have to admit it’s been hard to keep eating when I look and feel so much bigger than I did before. Like I mentioned, when it comes to my body, I have decades of destructive thoughts and behaviors that need to be deprogrammed. I’m no stranger to weight fluctuations. I literally have 5 sizes in my closet “just in case.” Part of that is because my body has been exploding with lipedema nodules for decades and has been steadily growing. Part of it is because one of my toxic traits is losing 4 lbs and thinking I need a whole new wardrobe. However, as soon as I stop restricting calories, the weight comes back and then some. So, I mostly use the larger sizes and hold on to things that are too big for me because I don’t trust that I won’t need that size again in a few weeks/months.

Continuing to eat while I literally watch my body expand is remarkably difficult. My first instinct is to think this is because I’m having too many carbs. This is further complicated by the fact that I have insulin resistance which means I feel better when my carbs are on the lower side and my blood sugar isn’t spiking. However, decades of disordered eating (and my inner overachiever) mean that I can quickly take that from a place of listening to my body and giving it what it needs to a place of extreme restriction. It’s definitely a delicate balance and one that continues to be a struggle. Thankfully, I now recognize what is happening, and I can take some proactive measures to nip things in the bud before I do anything to sabotage my healing.

If the doctor tells me the best thing for my body now is to eat, hydrate, walk, and drink my protein, then that is what I’ll do. Once I’m further down the path of recovery, I will experiment and figure out the right balance of carbs/fat/protein that make me feel healthy, strong, and reduce the chances of the lipedema nodules coming back with the same intensity. I don’t need to worry about that right now. For now, I need to make sure my body has what it needs to recover and heal.